Randy and Amy Loughner

To Randy and Amy Loughner,

Days have passed, and the memorials to the fallen have begun, as have tributes to the heroes. What happened last Saturday morning is indeed tragic, unexplainable, sad.

I am a parent of adult children. I hope, I think, I know, I tried to raise them well. Parenting in these days is not easy, nor has it every been, to be sure. But parenting today, while paying bills; protecting marriage; balancing sibling interests; struggling with bosses and memos and committee meetings; trying to find ways for our high schoolers to get to school and home, with insurance and good, old Volvos that will protect; hoping to keep ahead of them and their algebra or history, though they never "have homework;" denying futile flights--to expensive MLB games, or NFL games, or Disney retreats, or vacation cruises, or even Christmas escapes--all of these compete for attention, for dominance,

while our children, our young grown women and men

struggle to make their ways,

focused on screens large and small, tweets and texts and God knows what else, with bedroom doors shut (those without teens will not comprehend)

trying to find their ways.

And then, watching them leave home, and praying -- verbal or not -- each day that they find their way, safely, without too many E.R. visits; wishing we had kept up with their music, their friends, their lives,

never quite sleeping well,

every day wanting to call them home, and see them asleep at midnight in our beds,

but tired,

Just tired.

And tragically hopeful. While ever real about the facts that sometimes happen.

And if they do, feeling then doubt. What did we do wrong? Why us? Why our son/daughter? What if we had done ..... better? Why did no one .....? W...?


To you, Jared's parents, I send my prayers, my thoughts, my hopes. May you know that parents everywhere pause in horror, and thanks, and sadness, and grace, and whatever love they can, for you whom they do not personally know.

I cannot imagine your pain. I am sad, as you are for lost lives, for all.


God be with you.

God, give us all humble grace.